Is It Selfish To Have A Baby At 41 Mothers Give Their Verdict

The age at which women decide they want to have children can be a sensitive topic - and British broadcaster Rachel Burden has caused quite a stir with her recent comments on the subject. 

The BBC 5 Live and BBC Breakfast presenter said that her decision to have a baby at the age of 41 was a 'really selfish thing to do', although she has since suggested that what she said had been taken out of context.

But speaking to FEMAIL, other 'older mothers' have opened up about feeling 'far more relaxed' as a 40+ parent - and insisted that age doesn't 'need to come into it' if the children are 'loved, happy and healthy'.

Linzi Meaden, 49, a trauma therapist at The Meaden Clinic in Kent, was 42 when she got pregnant with twins and questions why no one ever mentions her 56-year-old husband's age.

Elsewhere, Nicola Rowley, 50, founder of UK-based NJRPR Communications Agency, had her son James when she was 40 in 2014 after trying for three years beforehand - and said 'it would have been selfish not to have had him'.




Within 36 hours of being diagnosed with pre-eclampsia in February 2016, Rachel Burden gave birth to baby Henry (pictured) at just 31 weeks into the pregnancy

Broadcaster Ms Burden, now 49, already had three children when she became pregnant with her fourth, after discussing the idea at length with her husband, fellow journalist Luke Mendham.

Speaking to the Mid Point podcast, she revealed: 'I had three very sort of straightforward pregnancies and I made the terribly arrogant assumption I'd have a fourth baby and it would be fine and straightforward.

'And I think sometimes when I reflect on it, I think it was a really selfish thing to do. I came from a big family - I really wanted a big family. I had that moment where Luke and I sat around a table when the third child had gone to school and thought, "Oh, this is so boring".'

'Then I was 40 or 41 and I did get pregnant, and kind of said, "It will be fine, you will barely even notice it".'

But it emerged when she went for a hospital check-up that Ms Burden had 'all the signs of pre-eclampsia' - a condition that causes high blood pressure during pregnancy that can be serious if left untreated.

Within 36 hours of being diagnosed with the condition in February 2016, Ms Burden gave birth to baby Henry at just 31 weeks into the pregnancy. Thankfully, Henry 'was effectively a healthy baby - he was tiny, he was 3lb, but he was healthy'.

Reacting to an ITV snippet covering the story on This Morning, Rachel took to X to insist: 'Friends… this is not what I said, but hey ho. Probs best to listen to the whole pod for context.' 

The number of women having babies over 40 has been increasing in recent years - overtaking the number of women under the age of 20 for the first time in 2015, according to the Office for National Statistics. 

Pregnancies for over-40s carry a higher risk of complications such as pre-eclampsia, as well as hypertension and diabetes. 

But for these women, they wouldn't change getting pregnant when they were aged 40 and over... 

Sally Brockway, 59




Sally (pictured with her daughter Sarah), from Kingston, Surrey, who works as a copywriter and PR, said one of the best decisions she ever made was to have a baby at 41 - even though her husband didn't want any more children

Sally, from Kingston, Surrey, who works as a copywriter and PR, said one of the best decisions she ever made was to have a baby at 41 - even though her husband didn't want any more children.

'I told my husband I only had a 5 per cent chance of conceiving, so we dispensed with contraception and a month later, I was pregnant with our daughter Sarah. Thankfully, he was delighted when she arrived, a happy, healthy and beautiful baby.

'Rachel Burden said that falling pregnant at 41 was a "really selfish thing to do" because she went on to have a difficult pregnancy. I'm sorry she had such a tough experience, but perhaps it was just the luck of the draw? Some pregnancies are harder than others whatever your age.

'My third pregnancy with Sarah, 17, was by far the easiest. I gained five stone and had terrible pelvic pains with child one, I was horribly sick with child two, but third time around, I sailed through the pregnancy and had Sarah at home in just under three hours.

'Labour one was eight hours and then 12 the second time around. Having Sarah was a breeze, so much so, she was very nearly born in the toilet. I went for a wee and to my surprise, she literally fell out and a quick-witted midwife managed to dive in and catch her.

'Of course, there were doomsayers. People wondered why on earth I was having a third child in my 40s when I already had a boy and a girl. I explained that I grew up the eldest of three and that felt like a proper family to me.

'The sleepless nights were tough, but not because of my age - they're tough for anyone. And besides, 40 really isn't old and I can say that with confidence now I'm 59.'

Lesley Thomas, 55




Lesley, who lives near Salisbury in Wiltshire, with her husband Steve and two teenage sons, https://nhanlambangcap24h.com/ had her first child at 37 and her second at 40. She said she 'would never consider this selfish'

Lesley, who lives near Salisbury in Wiltshire, with her husband Steve and two teenage sons, had her first child at 37 and her second at 40. She said she 'would never consider this selfish'.

'I didn't meet my now husband until I was 35 and this was just the way things happened in terms of having our family. 

'At 40, I was fit, secure in my career and financially, as well as experienced enough at life, to provide my boys with everything they needed in me as their mum. I am older now than some of their friends parents, whilst being younger than others.

'Being slightly older having my children, I had also developed more self confidence in myself and my abilities as a parent, which has served me well. 

'There is no right age to have a child, the right time is when it happens, as big changes manifest in your life regardless of how old you are. 

'I was fortunate I had absolutely no problems in getting pregnant, and was really excited, as was my husband on both occasions I became pregnant.

'Do I feel I have less energy than younger mums, how would I know? I became a mum at 37 and again at 40, and whilst the early months were exhausting both times around, I think they are at any age of having children. I would never compare myself to other mums, no matter how old, as personal circumstances are just that.

'But I had the benefit of being confident enough to ask questions when I didn't know the answer. 

'When we have children, is personal to everyone, and for me, having mine at the age I did was perfect and I would not change it. And if I were to ask my boys the same question, I know they would say the same thing.'

Lesley is the founder of The Money Confidence Academy, supporting children with Financial Literacy and a creating a confident relationship with money.

Linzi Meaden, 49 





Linzi was 42 when she got pregnant with twins and said she loves being an 'older mother' 

Linzi was 42 when she got pregnant with twins and said she loves being an 'older mother'.

'The BBC's Rachel Burden says she was "really selfish" to have a baby at 41 and that's her choice to have that belief based on her own experience. 

'She wasn't to know that she would develop pre-eclampsia and it's not a condition that only effects "older mothers". 

'Many of my friends in their 30s developed this during pregnancy. I was 42 when I got pregnant with twins; I'll be 50 in a couple of weeks and the twins are now seven. 

'I was peri-menopausal at the time with the added bonus of having Crohn's disease and osteopenia. I developed gestational diabetes during pregnancy but other than this, I went full term with a twin pregnancy to 37 weeks and all was well. 

'I followed my maternal instincts and just knew that I was meant to be a mother regardless of my age. I wasn't ready for children in my 20s and 30s and that's okay. I love being an ‘older mum' and I certainly don't think I'm selfish at all. 

'If others wish to judge and believe being an older parent is selfish, then that's their business, not mine. As long as my children are loved, happy and healthy, why does age come into it? My husband is 56 but no one ever mentions his age!'

Nicola Rowley, 50




Nicola had her son James when she was 40 in 2014 after trying for three years beforehand - and said 'it would have been selfish not to have had him'





'When James came along, I had nothing but love for him and he's remained an only child,' said Nicola (pictured alongside her son James)

Nicola had her son James when she was 40 in 2014 after trying for three years beforehand - and said 'it would have been selfish not to have had him'. 

'When James came along, I had nothing but love for him and he's remained an only child.

'In terms of what Rachel Burden is saying about being selfish having a child later in life - all I can say is that my son James has been and continues to be one of the most loved children I know. 

'It would have been selfish not to have had him - as I had so much love to give. 

'Having him when I did has enabled me to be there for him in ways I don't think would have been possible otherwise. 

'Running my own successful PR Consultancy and agency means I can be the mum at the school gates for drop offs and pick ups and never miss a play, event or swimming gala at the same time because I get to choose my hours and how I work for my clients. 

'I definitely needed James to come along to make me have the wake up call that led me to redesign my life on my own terms to make everything work and start achieving things like writing children's books that I'd previously put on hold.'

Becky Stevens, 46





Becky Stevens was 42 when pregnant with her sixth child and insisted she found it 'empowering' 

Becky was 42 when pregnant with her sixth child and insisted she found it 'empowering'.

'Having my two babies in my forties was far more empowering than my pregnancies in my thirties. 

'Although you are surrounded by scepticism and worry warts mostly from Dr Google, that can send you into a frenzy about being pregnant in your forties, I found so many positive websites / fertility coaches / acupuncturists and my fertility homeopath.

'They were so supportive and gave me the knowledge to know what to look out for if I felt dizzy/out of breath/ not my usual self so I was more tuned into my body and confident in myself and my pregnancy. 

'I was fitter in my forties after running after my five other kids and also more in tune when I had to stop and not overdo it! 

'I needed to preserve my energy for the afternoon back to school rush hour when often I would feel my most tired especially later into my pregnancy.

'More women are getting pregnant later in age and that really shouldn't be frowned upon and we shouldn't be fed fear we just need to adapt and listen/look out for signs so we don't run into bumps along the way with your bump.' 

Karen Furr, 51 




Karen, 51, from Buckinghamshire, had her daughter Mia at 44, and said that she is 'far more relaxed as an older and more experienced mum'

Karen, 51, from Buckinghamshire, had her daughter Mia at 44, and said that she is 'far more relaxed as an older and more experienced mum'.

'I do not think it's selfish to have a baby later in life as it's a totally individual and personal choice. Mia was a huge surprise because I believed I was menopausal! So, my husband and I have always felt very blessed to have her.

'It was a very straight forward pregnancy and I am not the oldest parent in the playground. My midwife told me that the oldest mum she had assisted with labour was 52!

'Mia is now six and I am 51 tomorrow. Her brothers are 23, 21 and 18 and we all adore her. 

'I can only counteract (the presenter's thoughts) that for us, it's been a wonderful experience and Mia is a very happy girl.'

Julie Thompson Dredge




Julie, who gave birth to her son Rufus when she was 40, has admitted that she has 'mixed opinions' on getting pregnant after 40. Pictured, the mother and her son when he was four months old

Julie, who gave birth to her son Rufus when she was 40, has admitted that she has 'mixed opinions' on getting pregnant after 40. 

'On the one hand you're more financially stable and mature (probably!),' she said. 'And on the other hand, I think it can be very tiring as you're likely to be busy in a job still - at least I am.

'And possibly caring for other relatives. But also, you are closer to peri-menopausal age, which I didn't take into account really, and this means you might soon be dealing with difficult moods, sleeplessness of your own and other difficult symptoms.

'So I'd say in an ideal world, having them younger is best. But we don't all have the luxury of having kids exactly when we want them do we, and having my son has brought me so much joy that I would recommend anyone get pregnant in their 40s, even if it's hard!

'I think it's harmful to suggest [it's selfish]. Fertility issues are an issue for quite a lot of women, and there's also rising costs to consider meaning so many women are hesitant about having babies and so that's one of the reasons they're delaying it until their 40s.'

Jayne Hook, 47




Stay-at-home mother Jayne, of Thatcham in Berkshire, was 40 when she had her son Oliver, and 38 when she had her other son William





Jayne first got pregnant in 2004, a year after marrying her husband, Steven (pictured together), a sales director. But she had no idea of the heartbreaking 10-year fight that lay ahead; she endured seven miscarriages, a tragic stillbirth and IVF failure

Stay-at-home mother Jayne, of Thatcham in Berkshire, was 40 when she had her son Oliver, and 38 when she had her other son William.

Jayne first got pregnant in 2004, a year after marrying her husband, Steven, a sales director. But she had no idea of the heartbreaking 10-year fight that lay ahead; she endured seven miscarriages, a tragic stillbirth and IVF failure.

Finally, the couple conceived successfully through IVF, and are now proud parents to two boys. 

She told FEMAIL: 'After the journey we had I have no doubt there maybe would have been some people that felt - once we were successful with our child, William, and then we decided we wanted to have another child, I didn't want my child to be an only child - there may have been some people that thought, well, you've gone through enough already you've got one child and maybe you should be happy with what you've got.

'I don't think you can put yourself in anybody else's shoes. What is right for one person isn't right for everybody.

'I think life has risks in everything you do. I think if you know that you can love a child and give a child a stable home. Your age shouldn't be something that holds you back. I think loving a child and giving them a safe environment is far more important than anything else.'

Rochelle Anthony, 37




Runner up on The Apprentice last year, and owner of TheDollsHouse Collective, Rochelle Anthony, is a mother of two, who had her children in her 30s





But her father (pictured next to Rochelle when she was a baby) had her when he was 39 years old

Runner up on The Apprentice last year, and owner of TheDollsHouse Collective, Rochelle Anthony, is a mother of two, who had her children in her 30s. But her father had her when he was 39 years old. 

'I don't think it's selfish at all to have a baby at 40! My dad was almost 40 when he had me, he was wiser, more patient, had fulfilled a career, and done everything him and my mum wanted to. 

'They had travelled the world, and didn't feel they were missing out on anything or each other. It's a crazy juggle being a mother, and when you are driven it's hard to work out what needs to come first. 

'But later in your life, at 40, you have lived a lot of life. Women nowadays are purchasing homes later, hitting goals in life later. So to then have a baby later, it's a sign of the times. 

'There's no right or wrong age to have a baby, complications can happen at any age, infertility can also happen at any age. There is so much pressure for women to have families before they feel ready. We need to stop putting pressure on women to conform before they feel ready.

'My dad was present, still able to win first place in the fathers running race at school sports days. He said it made him a more patient man. 

'He's now retired and feels really present for his grandchildren. Which if he had me younger, he would probably still be working, and have struggled to find the time between meetings to be at their Christmas nativity. 

'Everyone's journey is unique and we should support mothers no matter what age they choose to give birth.'


BBCBBC BreakfastDiabetes